What not to DRINK

Two words: Yogurt Soda.

I don't know what would possess anyone to try this drink in the first place, aside from accepting a dare to impress your fellow fifth-graders. But should you ever find your fifth-grade self considering such a dare, I'm warning you now: this stuff is bad news.

My coworker and standing lunch partner Teddy however, seems to get his kicks from weird-beverage consumption, and decided to try the Yogurt Soda (available at Zand Market, 1401 Solano Ave, Albany-- purveyor of fine falafel and many strange middle eastern products).

Back in the office kitchen, Yogurt Soda presents and immediate dilemma. The "yogurt" part of the concoction settles to the bottom of the bottle, leaving the "soda" element of said drink at the top, resulting in two unhomogenized layers. Yogurt Soda must be shaken to combine layers and consume as a single beverage, thereby violating the age-old rule of never ever shaking your soda.

"Shake gently" the bottle says. Teddy shakes gently, but the yogurt is not inclined to combine with the soda with his gentle encouragement. Teddy continues to shake gently, and the settled bits of yogurt slowly dissolve. Finally, after well over two minutes of gentle shaking and building anticipation, the soda has become a single substance, and Teddy reaches to open it. "Won't it explode?" I inquire. "The bottle said to do it." Fine.

The soda explodes, reaffirming the rule of never ever shaking soda, no matter what anyone says (the bottle's blatant disregard of said rule also adds to the fifth-grader appeal of Yogurt Soda).

Half the bottle is left, so Teddy pours some into my coffee mug. It smells like sour milk. Not in that good, tangy, yogurty way, but in the bad, don't-drink-that-I-bought-it-before-we-left-for-summer-break kind of way. I take a sip. It tastes like ass. Like bubbly, fizzy ass. I pour it into the sink, revealing that there were some solid chunks of yogurt that had indeed not dissolved into the soda. Is something wrong with Yogurt Soda? I'm not about to buy another one to find out. Is Yogurt Soda an acquired taste? How does one acquire a taste for fizzy ass?